“The ability to suffer in silence is a key requirement for senior leaders, though you will not find it in any leadership competency framework”, said the Senior HR leader when he was in a reflective frame of mind. This was my sixth ‘encounter’ with this gentleman (See 'Passion for work and anasakti ‘, 'Appropriate metaphors for organizational commitment ‘ ,‘To name or not to name, that is the question’ , ‘A Mathematical approach to HR’ and the ‘OD Quest’ for the outcomes of my previous interactions with him). Similar to what happened in the previous occasions, this comment prompted me to think deeply about the topic and the underlying assumptions.
In a way, leadership is primarily about achieving the optimal balance between the various polarities in organizational life. One of those balancing acts is between ‘appearing to be confident and making a vulnerable connection’. Yes, leaders have to convey the confidence that they as a team/organization will be successful and that they are going in the right direction. However, leaders are also human and they, if they are honest with themselves, have their own share of doubts, fears, hopelessness, loneliness and sadness. However, many of the leaders try to live up to the ‘great man’ image and this makes any expression of negative feelings (to themselves or to others) a symbol of weakness or incompetence. This often leads to what is known as ‘smiling depression’ where leaders hide behind a smile to convince other people that they are happy and confident.
Leaders are often very successful in maintaining this façade as they are able to maintain a high level of functionality/effectiveness on the job despite their inner turmoil (this is the reason why smiling depression is also known as ‘high-functioning depression’). It is not that they suffer less because they manage to smile. On the contrary, the strain of keeping up appearances can significantly add to their stress and suffering. Yes, it seems strange to think that someone can be very depressed, yet manage to hide that, even from their friends and family. Yes, this would also make seeking help (or others proactively reaching out to help) near impossible and could lead to perpetuation of a vicious cycle till some sort of breakdown happens. The 'high-functioning' aspect of smiling depression could also mean that the likelihood of suicide is much higher for those with smiling depression (as they have a higher level of ability to plan and execute the suicide as compared to those who are totally exhausted/ immobilized by depression).
Yes, smiling depression does have physical manifestations like changes in eating habits and sleeping patterns. But these can easily be misattributed or even glorified as part of the way of the corporate warrior. It is very easy to believe what we want to believe. Let me give a personal example. My parents told me that they named me ‘Prasad’ as I was smiling almost always as a child -that too often without any reason they could understand (‘prasadam’ in my mother tongue Malayalam means expression of happiness on the face). This ‘smile on the face’ continued as a pattern in my life and I (conveniently) assumed that it was because I was happy almost all the time. It was during one of the ‘Human Process Labs’ that I suddenly realized that I use smile not only to express joy but also to hide discomfort. After that, when I catch myself smiling, I often ask myself the question “what am I happy about?” and this has helped me quite a bit to discover any possible discomforts that I am overlooking and to use smile as an expression of joy. Yes, this does mean that I smile a bit less than what I used to earlier; but, the loss of the smile can sometimes be a blessing!
Now, let’s come back to the statement made by our Senior HR Leader. Yes, the responsibilities and expectations associated with leadership roles can put tremendous load on the incumbents and it can definitely take a personal toll, including high stress levels, anxiety, feelings of loneliness or even burnout. Yes, it is often an unstated expectation in many organizations that a leader ‘puts up a brave face’. Some organizations might even want their leaders to be viewed as a bit ‘super human’ (this could be one of the reasons why some organizations have separate lunch rooms and toilets for senior leaders – so that others won’t see them doing these very human activities). The problem is just that this way of functioning might not be helpful, either to the organizations or to the leaders, if it becomes a compulsion.
Leaders should have the behavioral flexibility and the freedom to strike the appropriate balance between appearing to be confident and making a vulnerable connection. Authentic human interactions are a key requirement for both organization and personal effectiveness. This would also make it easier for the leaders suffering from silent depression to admit it to themselves and to reach out and ask for help – which is the necessary first step out of silent depression. Yes, if leaders invest in building a culture of open communication and relationships based on trust, it is likely to help them when they are going through stress and depression. Addressing smiling depression can also enable the leaders to respond better to/benefit more from leadership coaching and leadership development - as it helps the leaders to become 'unstuck' /'avoid the 'glued feet syndrome' where the positive pull generated by leadership development initiatives get negated to a large extent because the leaders are psychologically stuck or because of their inner turmoil is already taking up a very large part of their mental bandwidth. .
Any comments/ideas?
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